The Vulgar Financial People

Firstly, let me explain the long silence. I recently attended the 10-day Vipassana Meditation Course in Chennai where you literally have to live the life of a monk and not utter a word. It was fantastic and I still have the hangover. Will be writing about it in detail shortly.

Now coming back to the outrageous blog title. Well I wanted to be a little soft but there is a difference between understanding anything at an intellectual level and at an experiential level. It is much easier to be compassionate and level headed when you are trying to intellectually debate something. You try to put yourself in everyone's shoe and patiently list out pros and cons of their thinking. But when you get your hands burnt, the first reaction is to burn everything in sight (Dawood Ibrahim and Tiger Memon took it a little far by trying to burn down Bombay). My agony and disrespect for people involved in financial markets is reaching its zenith now.

The best part of this entire affair is that in the entire process almost nothing of any tangible value gets generated. Everything is dependent on speculations which people learn rather quickly to generate. Everybody seems to be a self made expert in the field. A B.Com. graduate speaks with the same flair as someone with a Ph.D. All the news readers and correspondents on the 24-hours business news channels talk in supreme confidence masking their extremely shallow knowledge by make up and beautiful prose. People with an IQ less than 100 (I personally have nothing against them!) keep getting richer and richer. And one day, it all comes down melting away years of wealth generated by legitimate sweat and illegitimate blood. No one has any clue!

Someone I know works as a "Wealth Manager" in a leading bank. According to her, they spend a pile of money on informants who keep supplying leads on how to reallocate the portfolio almost every 15 mins. This helps them to be on top of things. I then asked her the obvious question "Did you know on Friday that Black Monday is coming?". No surprises when she shamelessly said "NO. What can we do if the market crashes?". How convenient! Rake in all the bonus when the market is inflated and you have no contribution to it (stories of bonuses in crores are commonplace). But when things go wrong, just wash of your hands and move on.

I made the mistake of believing such morons from a "reputed" investment house. They assigned a wealth manager to me. I out of misplaced trust and complete ignorance handed over a sizable chunk of money and gave them a free hand to go and multiply it. Somehow there was some misunderstanding and they chose a factor << 1 for multiplication. Before I realized, more than half of the principle had evaporated. It took me sometime to come back to senses when I severed the relationship, reclaimed the dregs and started to learn things on my own. Even if I never learn and keep making losses, it would be more comforting than losing it from the hands of incompetent blokes.

If only I had enough money, I would have airdropped "Fooled by Randomness" by Nicholas Nassim Taleb over all areas heavily infested by financial pests (like Dalal Street, Nariman Point, Gujarat etc.). It's fine to be stupid. Almost everyone behaves that way at many points in their lives. But if you have made stupidity and chaos your profession, it's not a bad idea to know a little more about it. Atleast it will help you to keep the biggest hole on your face shut for better.

Are things getting better?

Well it seems like they are if this article in Mint by S.Mitra Kalita is to be believed.

At the onset, this one also seemed like a silly idea like many others from the autocratic monarchy that rules IITs. But something really drastic was needed to bring back the people to lounges, TV room, canteen, football field, gaali fights, and all other things that make men out of boys (and of course women out of girls). And "LAN Ban" was drastic by any measures. It was like choking someone out of air because one's mind tend to get so addicted to that information pollution floating around. Generally bitter medicines work more effectively.

I had already left when this happened. But I do feel the pain responsible for this regulation, the pain that kids went through initially and the joy that this promises to bring. Let me hope that it works this time, that students and teachers can trust each other once again. My fingers are crossed. Amen!

The Art of Presenting

Have you ever wondered Why Business People speak like idiots? or Why most PowerPoint presentations suck? If yes, then read on.

The answer is not very straightforward but some hints can be located in the books by the same name. I personally have been very interested to figure out how to avoid death by PowerPoint. Strangely enough, not many people are aware of the simple fact that a good presentation will not just be appreciated by the audience (whose deafening cries during pathetic presentations indeed fall on deaf ears) but will also result in higher visibility with upper management and faster career growth for presenters. If only people can realize that they are questioning the basic intelligence and skills of their audience by reading through enormous matter in their slides, situation will improve drastically.

I would consider myself fortunate enough that within a couple of months of my professional life I came across Garr Reynolds. An ex-Apple design executive and currently a Professor in an Osaka University, he was invited to give a talk on Effective Presentations at our office. I still cannot get over with that one-hour presentation. We were showed around 300 slides (as per Garr at the end of the talk) which is still difficult to believe. His narrative captured my imagination and probably of everyone present in the hall. It was one of the most impacting presentations I ever sat through and since then I'm obsessed to improve upon my presentation skills.

Garr maintains a website called Presentation Zen. Apparently, it is one of the most visited presentation design websites in the world. It features his blog and tonnes of advice on how to communicate well. Based on the recommendations I purchased a few books (like Beyond Bullet Points, Presenting to Win, and Show me the numbers) which really made me look at how I was doing things and how I can do them better. However, the books published so far mulled on how to DO things better but not essentially on how to THINK better. Given that presenting is at least if not more an art and not only science, there has to be an element of creativity, philosophy and spiritualism to it. That's where Garr's new book (suitably titled Presentation Zen) fills in the gap. The moment I heard about its launch, the order was placed online. And I was not disappointed. Besides being very beautiful aesthetically, making it a pleasure to read, it works! It is not only about how to prepare better, design better, and deliver better. It is also about how the whole process can be thought through more holistically and how you can look for inspiration in the most unusual places (eg. comics, martial arts etc.). It also enlists numerous resources online which can help you with the content.

So if you are looking for some good advice and inspiration, buy this book. If Rs.1250 is a little too much for you, at least visit PZ website along with the ones like Duarte Design, TED, SlideShare and get enlightened.

An Enigma called Delhi

I always get scared to death as soon as my flight lands in Delhi. I'm scared of sitting in the taxi for the driver might take me for a ride (in the other sense). I'm scared of going out alone in the streets even during broad daylight for I may be mugged. Can't even think of doing this in the night after hearing so many first hand horror stories from my lady friends in the city and from numerous printed articles.

However, this morbid fear of the city seemed unnatural to me as it never resonated with the image of the city I had in mind since childhood. Delhi for me was synonymous with history, politics, food, and beautiful damsels. Somehow I could never get time to go around and reassure myself that the city is indeed where fine etiquettes were born and which the great Moguls called home.

Thanks for the wedding season and for insensitive friends who scheduled their weddings during weekdays, I was finally able to get one whole day in Delhi. Also, I was able to find someone who can spend the whole day with me and drive me around (thanks Puneet!).

First stop - Akshardhaam Temple

I think you simply have to see it to believe it. Something that is so beautiful and so magnanimous that anything I write will sound hollow. So let me not waste my and your time. Best thing - they don't allow cell-phones inside so no annoyances. Not so good - You need a whole day to really appreciate the effort that went into it. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much time.

Second stop - India Gate

As soon as you park your vehicle close to this great monument, you can spot millions of ice-cream, papad, jamun vendors doing great business here. It just seems to be an institution for Delhi-ites (age, wealth no bar) to come here for a stroll, let their kids go loose, and enjoy some chaat.

Third stop - National Gallery of Modern Art

Situated at a stone's throw from India Gate is a wonderful repository of Modern Art, both Indian and International. Inside you can find very old to very contemporary works of art, photography, and sculpture. Again, we were really short of time and despite our best efforts to glance at what's on display, we were mercilessly kicked out at 6 pm sharp. I was not even able to absorb half the exhibits. This gives me reason enough to visit it again in near future but I guess by then everything would have changed again.

Fourth stop - Connaught Place

CP is like London - "If you are tired of CP, you are tired of life". Amazingly happening, it offers a plethora of choices for everyone under the sun, preferably with money! After Bangalore, it was very refreshing to find drinking holes like Q'BA, The Host, TGIF etc. where you can actually sit, grab a drink and have a meaningful conversation without being deafened by the cacophonous music in the background. Then of course you have tonnes of eating joints, swanky offices, and apparel stores.

Final stop - Karim (Old Delhi)

Well now its dark, both outside and inside (my stomach). And we felt that it was worth going to the wildly famous Karim in the dingy streets of Old Delhi and try the great Muslim grub that everyone (from Nat Geo to BBC) has talked about. Given that its kind of inside a gully, it was not straightforward to locate it. However, everybody in the 5 km radius exactly knows where the place is. We had to wait for a few mins before we could locate a table. The waiters were extremely rude and made sure that it is they who are doing us a favor by serving the great Karim's food. Now the food - book a ticket to Delhi now, go to Karim, eat and fly back! Though the food is so oily (they say that the chicken is soaked in oil before being slaughtered :), it is simply heavenly. I can bet that you'll not find better Sheekh Kababs in Afghanistan. Mutton seems to be God's gift to mankind through their hands. DON'T be foolish to try any veg grub there as it almost disgusting.

Overall, what a great day in a great city! It is indeed "Dil waalon ki Delhi" with great character and richness. Looking forward to more excursions there else I'll be missing quite a bit.

Faith playing in Stock Markets.........

Something somewhere seems to be seriously wrong!

Another faith-based index to be launched

The Big Fat Indian Wedding

I haven't really seen the Hollywood flick ridiculing (I guess) the Greek affair, however I'm quite sure that once its director witnesses in an Indian wedding he would like to undo his past work and steal my title for his evolved work. Since I came back from Japan, I've seen a number of my friends succumbing to this social phenomena. They are simply dropping as electrocuted flies into the abyss of this sacred relationship. What worries me is not the fact that these are the same guys I used to go to school with 20 years back (5 years for the college mates) and we used to share the same tiffin, run around with water bottles hanging from our necks and played hand cricket (no bats basically) using trees as stumps. The fact that soon they are going to be parents and that they want to show off the new relationship in public with great fanfare disturbs me somewhere deep down. I'll try not to comment on my first concern because the propagation of species is at stake. However would like to take a dig on the great Indian tradition of weddings.

I'm not sure if marriage used to be a big deal in old times. My parents tell me that not long ago (say 50 years back) it used to be a rather silent affair. Probably due to communication problems it was difficult to be in touch with all your relatives and you would contend with a small ceremony (also given low budgets) inviting a few people. With income levels rising and communication links in place, the whole thing seems to have gone out of proportion. The wedding now beyond anything has become a showcase of opulence. What strikes me most is the ability of Indians to make such mundane things larger than life and completely ignore the life threatening issues (environment, poverty, population etc.). Again let me not dwelve into it much because this demands a much deeper philosophical debate. Let me just describe some observations I had from the last week in which I completed the brave feet of attending 4 weddings!

Weddings @ Small cities

These wedding ceremonies are a little comfortable than their big city counterparts. Though the duration of the wedding (min of 4 days) and non-availability of alcohol doesn't give much respite but the smaller size of gatherings and conservative decorations are a relief. The most interesting part by any measure is the baarat. Nobody (from highly educated to a complete illiterate) shows any shame in taking the procession to the road and block the traffic. Forget about small lanes, people don't even care a bit blocking the national highway! Surprisingly the traffic also doesn't mind. The horns which go ablaze during a signal go totally silent and give way to the procession. I'm not sure what goes on in the mind of drivers (another one bites the dust OR it only happens once in a lifetime OR the final moments of happiness etc.) but they sure do not seem to mind. Rest all goes on as normal. Bride and groom are starved till midnight. They have to keep standing and pass artificial smiles while people (most of whom don't even know the couple and vice versa) keep coming on the stage and getting archived on the film. The real action starts only after midnight when the real ceremony starts and all that remains is a handful of close relatives and friends. On a lucky day everything will get over by 6 am because the pundit and the couple have decided to co-operate and turn a deaf ear to everything the learned man has to say. Only one thing is on everybody's mind. When the hell is it going to get over! Strangely enough, things have been happening and will keep happening the same way.

Weddings @ Big cities

Now by big cities I mean Delhi! Delhi weddings are famous globally for their grandeur. Unfortunately I also had a chance this time to attend the great mockery. This particular wedding was one of the 10 odd weddings happening in a ground in East Delhi. Understandably there would be traffic and parking problems. Voila! you simply need to get down on the gate, hand over the car keys to the guard and enjoy the valet parking facility. The bar is right at the entrance to prepare you for exciting times ahead. On another corner the stage is set ablaze by skimply clad women dancing on item numbers. The groom arrives on a rath instead of the more common place mare. The cabaret gives way to holy chanting by a dozen of pundits on the stage. The bride arrives on a doli triggering a mujra on the dance stage. The chanting restarts as the couple get ready to garland each other. Suddenly the stage elevates and rotates a couple of complete circles and the couple throws flying kisses at the crowd. A few thousand people have a graced the occassion and there is enough food to just fill you up with smell. Punjabi, Rajasthani, Italian, Chinese etc. You name it and they have it. Pure vegetarian though. As you get out of this rucus, you have a 100 kind of mouth fresheners lined up at the gate. Phewww....I guess you get the idea. Later I was told that this was a reasonably mellowed down version of THE BIG FAT DELHI WEDDING which for sure I don't want to attend now.

The only word I can think of describing all this is "Vulgar"! It might be difficult for people to be sensitive towards the less fortunate people but this shows complete insensitivity. I hope to see my generation change this ridiculous way of doing things and keep weddings a very personal and small affair which it rightly deserves to be.

Bangalore Bakeries

I guess its time that I go and check them out!

http://www.livemint.com/2008/01/19004541/Bangalore-Bhath--Old-and-ove.html